Jackass
by Melli
Summary: Despite the title, this is a sweet Xel/Filia songfic. Xel & Fi are a couple, and it's Fi's birthday. Please read and review!


Prologue: This story takes place at the end of TRY. Filia opened a pottery/mace shop, Val is still an egg, Amelia went back to her palace, Gourry and Lina are still traveling, and Zelgadis isn't in it, 'cos he's searching for his cure. Somewhere along the lines, Filia and Xel got together. (Finally!) I just didn't want to write about it. So pick a random Fi/Xel fanfic and put it in front of this one.  
  
"Happy birthday to Filiaaaaaa...Happy birthday to you!"  
Filia stands at the head of the table, hands clasped under her chin, watching the beautiful cake in front of her. It's vanilla cake, with vanilla frosting on top, and more vanilla frosting in between the layers of cake. To top it all off, melted chocolate was dribbled on the surface, and her friends had scattered candles between drips. No one knew exactly how old she is, so they just picked a random number of candles and used them.  
"OK, Filia! Blow out the candles and make a wish!" Amelia directs.  
The golden dragon obliges and everyone cheers. The cake is sliced and passed around. As soon as Filia takes the first bite, she can tell something is wrong. Everyone else follows suit and gags.  
"Amelia, what did you do to the cake?" Lina shouts at the girl responsible for the baking.  
"N-nothing!" she whimpers. "It wasn't me!"  
An evil laugh from Xellos, who, up until know, has remained fairly quiet.  
"Oh, Filia-chan, do you like my secret recipe? X-Lax!" hold up bottle and smiles wide, like in a commercial  
"Xellos! No, please tell me you didn't! I thought you were over this! You've been going to your TA (Tricksters Anonymous) meetings, and you've been serious for a whole week now! Filia was red in the face, but she and Xel had got together, her temper had grown considerably cooler. So she wasn't really angry, merely ticked off.  
To know you is to love you  
So loving you must be like suicide  
I don't mind if you don't mind  
I'm not the one who's going to die  
The priest just smiles at her in his usual mischievous way. Filia sighs and shrugs.  
"Let's do the presents before this stuff kicks in!" Lina suggests.  
In agreement, everyone quickly retrieves the packages they had brought. Gourry is the first to hand his medium-sized, rectangular package to the birthday girl.  
"Seeing as how you own a pottery shop and all, I figured you must like pottery! So, I got you a pot! I made it myself."  
Giant sweatdrop  
"Gourry, you jellyfish! You're not supposed to tell her what it is before she opens it!" Lina cries as she bashes his head.  
"Mister Gourry, you ruined the surprise!" Amelia whines.  
"Oh, that's okay. I'm sure it's great anyway," Filia comforts dismissively.  
She starts to open the gift. Slowly, the bright pink is peeled away and the lid of the box is opened.   
"EEEEEEEEEK!" Filia shrieks and Amelia faints after peering into the box.  
"Do you like it, Filia-chan? I know how much you looooove snakes, so I got you boxes and boxes of them!" Xellos snickers.  
"What do you mean, boxes and boxes?" Filia runs over to the other presents and tears them open. Each is filled with dead snakes, every color, size, and pattern imaginable.  
"XELL-" Filia's scream is interrupted by Gourry's "Uh-oh!"  
Everyone turns to look at him as he runs out of the room.  
"Wonder what that was-" Now Lina is interrupted, this time by a gurgle from her stomach.  
"Miss Lina-" Amelia stops herself as she hears a growl from her own torso.  
She whimpers and guesses, "I think the laxatives have started working!" With that, she and Lina run off to the Royal Bathrooms, crashing into furniture and priceless art as they do. Sculptures, paintings, and tables shatter as the girls race to the toilet.  
I guess I just can't listen  
To this one-sided conversation again  
'Cause I don't care if you don't care  
No one ever said life is fair  
Now Filia and Xel are left alone. (Filia isn't affected because it takes more than that to penetrate her dragon stomach.) Her back is to Xel.  
Steam is coming from her ears, her fists are clenched, and her whole body is now red with anger. Slowly, she turns around to face her "beloved."  
Xel sees her condition and his wicked grin is replaced by a look of sheer terror. He had seen what Filia could do to him, and had since avoided making her angry.  
But, much to Xel's surprise, instead of beating him over the head with her mace, etc., Filia breaks down and bursts into tears. She flees the room, leaving the mazoku alone in the room with his guilty conscience.  
She runs all the way back to her pottery/mace shop, where she also lives. Throwing herself on her bed, Filia lets herself go. She beats the pillow and sobs and sobs and sobs.  
Everybody loves a joke  
But no one likes a fool  
And you're always cracking the same old lines again  
You're well-rehearsed on every verse  
And that was stated clear  
But no one understands your verity  
Eventually, she regains enough composure to think clearly. I can't believe him! How could he? After I gave him my trust and my heart, that damn mazoku just goes and snaps it in half! And he was making so much progress, too. Opening up to me, telling me stuff. I haven't heard him say 'Sore wa himitsu desu' in almost two weeks. sigh But without a thought, he destroyed everything we had accomplished! I don't know if I can forgive him this time.  
The center of attention  
Got an honorable mention once again  
Congratulations and salutations  
You're a figment of your own imagination  
Everybody loves a joke  
But no one likes a fool  
And you're always cracking the same old lines again  
You're well-rehearsed on every verse  
And that was stated clear  
But no one understands your verity  
Finally, she notices the feeling of another person in the room. Filia turns around, eyes puffy and red from crying.  
"April fools! My, my, Filia-chan, did you really think I could pass up an opportunity like April Fool's Day, did you? I'm working on it, but it'll still take a while to completely quit myself, providing Xelas-sama decides to let me go."   
To know you is to bait you  
And you fell victim to your own denial  
  
Xellos smiles, not his customary evil grin, but the warm, loving, almost human smile he saved for his golden dragon.  
But it wasn't only his words and smile that made her let out a cry of happiness. He was standing at the foot of her bed, holding a bouquet of daffodils and a package of white chocolate.  
"Oh Xellos! You remembered!"  
"Of course I remembered, Filia-chan! Daffodils, your favorite flower, and white chocolate, your favorite dessert! And both very hard to find, I might add."  
Filia looks at his sweet, sincere (for once) face, and couldn't help but melt into his arms and kiss him over and over again. Maybe it won't be so bad after all. I really love that mazoku...   
I don't mind if you don't mind  
If you're wasting all your time  
The End!  



End file.
